Up to this point, things have gone almost well.
We have positively reinforced our team.
And even in cases where there was an improvement area,
we have given constructive feedback on behaviors
to change them in the future.
Our work as leaders could not go better, right?
But in reality, things are not always in this way.
Many times, the feedback or a simple conversation
can become more complicated.
That's why in this section of difficult conversations,
we will see how to act if this happens.
Because what is not an option, is to avoid them.
And even less in this high risk industry.
Sometimes, we get into a complicated conversation
and we don't realize it.
Once we are inside it, or better, before it gets complicated,
we must apply a couple of basic rules to return to a safe conversation.
First of all, we have to be attentive to basic signals
that will tell us that such a conversation is approaching.
There are three alarms, the first one is opposing opinions.
The second one, strong emotions.
And also, important issues.
This first one occurs for sure. But the three of them occur normally.
Although it wouldn't be the first very unimportant discussion
about football that ends badly.
If I had to keep a single message from this part, this would be:
Think always about the reason to have this conversation.
Go back to the objective.
What do you want to achieve?
If what you want to achieve is to win the conversation,
maybe you should rethink the idea of having it.
You will be in a debate, first of all, and that is not a dialogue.
As you already know.
If you want to get something and for that, you need the other person,
then, you can do the following things.
Let's see. As we said,
it is very important to be clear about the purpose of the conversation.
Back to the objective again.
First, we will see how to approach it.
The goal should ideally be smart.
I'm sure you know the acronym to get good goals:
But SMART is specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and time related,
so, to know when to get it.
And in our case, for this conversation to come to a deal,
we must also make sure that the goal is shared
by the interlocutor or that it is a common goal.
There is a curious story from Patterson's book
and his colleagues, "Crucial conversations".
They present the story about a family, a father and two daughters.
They came back from the zoo
eager to go to the bathroom.
Mary said she should be the first one because she was the youngest of them.
And Lucy argued that she wanted the same thing.
When they entered through the door of the house,
both of them went like a lightning bolt into the bathroom.
And then, the discussion started inside, rising in tone,
while their father listened from outside.
At the end, one of the daughters left, and soon after, the other one.
They had spent 15 minutes of tension to go to the bathroom,
trying to be the first to pass.
And that did not allow them to see their common goal,
that was to go to the bathroom as soon as possible.
The father, who was an expert in difficult conversations,
remarked the importance of establishing this common goal
to reach the best solution and not win the conversation.
Because in that case, the solution would surely be more unsatisfactory.
So, if you are in this situation, think about these preventive questions
and try to answer them by yourself.
What do I really want for myself?
The second one: What do I really want for others?
For my family.
Actually: What do I really want for this project, for this situation,
for this relationship?
To be able to answer these questions,
first of all, you will have to calm your emotional brain
using the new cortex, the most human brain, to answer them.
And second, you will have to define a better objective.
As I told you, just as important as to be clear about your objective
and to share it, it is also important that the interlocutor is aware of it
and of the gap to be saved in the conversation.
For that reason, the most powerful tool we have in the industry,
that is very common in the nuclear industry,
is the coaching. We will see 4 very simple steps.
But at the same time, you will have to practice many many times
to be successful with them.
We will explain the GROW model or the GROW method
in a very understandable way.
The G is, as I told you, for goal. We'll ask the questions
to clarify the objective. For example:
What are the objectives we have set for this project?
It could be a good one.
The R is for reality. So, our questions will be oriented to understand
and to highlight the current situation.
What is happening now?
Third, the O is for options, exploring different solutions.
And finally, we will close with the W for will
or way forward to guide the conversation towards the future.
Be aware that we are always using open questions.
We don't like closed questions.
Yes or no are not good answers.
Ok, as I told you, as I said in the beginning,
the goal is the most important issue.
For us and for our interlocutor.
But once it's been defined, we will move towards it,
and always oriented to the future to save the gap.
Yeah, without gap, there's no coaching,
in performance, results, behaviors or in any field.
And if we have said that we must go to the future,
it's vitally important to close these conversations.
Because after walking this complicated path we have walked,
they could come back, if they were not finalized correctly.
Making decisions, agreeing either by consensus, consultation
or even by voting, and defining and assigning tasks,
would be the perfect closure for this type of communication.